The days at home

2006-12-11T00:58:00.000-08:00

I recently borrowed this book from the library called She's So Funny on 1768 of the best jokes from women comedians. I have lots of jokes to share with you.
Alone: The other night I was home myself and all the lights went out. I absolutely freaked out. I thought, "There's a guy in the basement, he flipped a switch and he's coming up to kill me." Then I looked out of the window and saw the lights on the whole neighborhood were out. I was relieved because I thought, " Maybe he will start at the end of the block."
-Pauline Poundstone
Anesthetics: Can you imagine what a nightmare it must have been before they invented painkillers? What did they do, have a guy bite a bullet? They could have done better than that. Brong in a big-breasted woman. That would distract any man. Stick a knife through their arm, they see those big breast, they don't even feel a thing.
-Joy Behar
Aging: The older you get, the higher you wear your underwear. Like rings on a tree. Eighty, ninety years old, your breast are inside them. when u die, they just pull it over your head
-Margeret Smith
Answering Machines: I bought my Father a answering machine. He still hasn't figure out how to leave a outgoing message.You call my Father's house... ring, ring, ring, click," Goddamn it, Mary, how the hell do u use this stupid piece of shit? Come over here and see if you can help me with the... beep!"
- Rosie O'Donnell
-Neither my parents understand how an answering machine works. When my mother leaves me a message, she's actually trapped inside the machine. Its just like a desperate cry."Carol? Carol? Carol? Are you there? Carol? I'm in the machine." My fathers even worse. He leaves me these message. " Uh, tell her that her Father called."
-Caroline Rhea
Babies: I was asking my friend who has children, "What if I have a baby and i dedicate my life to it and it grows up to hate me. And it blames everything wrong with its life on me." And she said, " What do you mean if ?"
-Rita Rudner
Baby-sitting: We used to terrorize our baby-sitters when I was little, except for my grandfather because he used to read to us from his will.
-Janine Ditullio
Birth: Thats how men participate now.They come into the room and say,"Breathe." Is that really sharing the experience? If I am heving a baby, I want my husband next to me at least having his legs waxed.
-Rita Rudner
Boyfriends: I always chose the wrong man.So now I have an imaginary boy friend. The problem is I can't count on him.If I need someone to lean on and chose him, I'll fall over.
-Penelope Lombard
-I liked to have a boyfriend in prison so I'd always know where he is.
-Carrie Snow
Breaking Up: I have an ex-boyfriend who wants to stay a friend. That means he wants to keep in touch and tell me how miserable I am without him. He wrote me a letter," I'm now seeing someone smarter and more successful than you." I responded, " I'm now seeing someone older and balder than you." That'll show him.
-Muara Lake
Breasts:A lot of guys think the larger a women's breast are, the less intelligent she is. I think the opposite. I think the larger a women's breasts are, the less intelligent the men becomes.
-Anita Wise
Brothers: I should understand men better then I do, because I grew up with brothers. i wanted sisters;they are better for girls. They teach you how to put on makeup, how to do your hair, give u dating tips. You know what brothers teach you? How to unhook ur bra with ur teeth.
-Carol Siskind
Family: My family is so dysfunctional that I looked up the word dysfunctional in the dictionary and there was a picture of my mother.
-Paulara R. Hawkins
-When I was 4, my mum forgot me by the sidewalk once, by accident. At least I like to believe it was an accident because when the police officer brought me back home, my family had moved.
-Cecile Lubrani
Fashion:You'll never hear a man say, "I am so embarrassed. There's another man here wearing a black tuxedo." They're happy if they all look alike. It means they haven't made a mistake.
-Rita Rudner
Fish: My parents never wanted me to be upset about anything. They couldn't tell me when a pet had died. Once i woke up and my goldfish was gone. I asked," Mom? Where's Fluffy?" She said,"He ran away."
-Rita Rudner
Best Friends: You need to have a stupid girlfriend so that on a bad day you can call." Tanya, I have a bad day, tell me something stupid you have done. You caught on fire and you tried to put it out with alcohol?
-Ellen Cleghorn
Halloween: Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said," Never take candies from strangers." When they dress me up and said," Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's door and go," Trick or treat. No thank you."
-Rita Rudner
Turkey: It took me three week to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework: I was taking care of myself when I got married; my husband was taking care of himself. I thought, let's continue down this path but he would come home and say stuff to me that I didn't understand. Like," Whats for dinner?" I reply," I don't know. What did you cook?" He actually said this once," I'm all out of clean underwear." To which I replied,"Ooh, then you need to wash. I did my laundry yesterday, got a full drawer clean of panties. You're welcome to borrow a pair to tide you over."
-Wande Sykes
So I live in this apartment that's disgusting; it's really dirty. And the kitchen floor is like, sticky. I had to do something about it, so finally I went out to buy some slippers.
-Sarah Silverman
Parents: My parents were both in the Marine Corps but I had a pretty normal upbringing: I stood guard duty all night just like kids. My mum made me wash the bathroom floor with a tothbrush so I used hers.
-Mary Gallaghers
-My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty- three years
-Cathy Ladman
HOPE U ENJOYED READING!!!

Good Or Bad News?

2006-12-03T01:36:00.000-08:00

I took the entry test to CHIJ Katong Convent and have received the results. I am now on the official waiting list and is their first priority because I topped the exam. This sounds good and bad. The good thing is I am qualified and is their first priority. The bad thing is I am on the waiting list;which means that there is a possibility that I won't get in. I really wish that I can get in because its much more convenient for me because its nearer to my house and I don't have to go to another school for my higher mother tongue. Yesterday it was my birthday and i went out with Xi Chun and her church members to Katong Shopping Centre to bowl. We came back quite late because we started late. I scored a turkey and ended with a score of 125. Although I was rather glad that i scored 125, I believed that I could have done better. That all for this weeks blog! Wish myself good luck for the entry test!!!

Trip To The East Coast Park

2006-11-25T20:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I went to East Coast Park with my neighbour. I roller blade there through the underpass. My neighbour and her sister took the bicycle instead. When we reached there, it started to drizzle so we decided that we would have our dinner before we continued. Thankfully, after we finished our dinner it had already stopped drizzling and we continued with our activities. Over there, we saw people water skiing inside the lagoon on motorised skiing system. After exercising for around an hour or so, we settled down and watched the sea and waves as they came and went. Today, I woke up early in the morning to practice golf at the driving range. I wasn't really glad with my performance but after all I'm just a beginner. Thats all for this entry. Happy reading to all!

As The Weeks Passes By

2006-11-18T03:19:00.000-08:00

I went to the library on Wednesday and found some rather interesting books for me and my mother but was dissapointed that I actually forgotten to bring my library card along so I went home empty handed. I received a good news with the fact that i can actually go on a holiday with my neighbour. They are going to go to The Phillipines. I am still wondering if i should follow them because the previous time when I went with them i didn't really enjoy it because her father was rather worried when we went out that we would get hijacked, kipnapped and all sorts. Spending the holiday at home also meant that i would be bored to death(excluding the days when i go out or have activities). I am also thinking about taking up ballet classes again in next year June but that means i have to start from grade 5 but its better than nothing so i decided that I am taking it up. Thats all for today's blog. Hope u enjoy reading it!

Spending The Holidays Without Going Overseas...

2006-11-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

All alone at home I am almost bored to death! My brother's and Mother's holidays only comes in mid december which means I am NOT going overseas this december. I met up with my primary school friends and went out with them and had a wonderful day. I intend to go to the library again either tomorrow or thursday. I am hoping that my visit to the library would be a fruitful one. My sister is coming back from Australia in mid December and I am really glad about that.

2006-11-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

I am going to take my entry test to CHIJ KATONG CONVENT this saturday.Its four papers in a row from 8am till 2pm. I am exited about taking the test but worry that i won't do well. I've been wondering how am i going to spend this holiday. I still don't know whether i am going on a holiday or not but i hope so yes because i can't imagine spending three whole months at home;i will go crazy. I am going to meet up with my primary school friends during the holidays cause I really miss them alot. I am going to go to the library tomorrow for two reasons: Reason number one is because i was asked to go. Reason number two is because I thought that its better to go to the library rather than stay at home and left to rot. Thats all for today's entry. Did'nt count the words but hope it isn't too short!